Valerie Alduen ~ Cocoa’s Bits & Pieces
PO Box 59367 ~ Chicago, IL 60659
cocoas_bits_and_pieces@hotmail.com
www.cocoasmosaicdesigns.com
773-704-3737
Teardrop sketch
Face sketch (teardrop inserted on top)
Tree and tombstone sketch

This piece was born and created out of my search to aid the grieving process.

In January 2005 my brother-in-law passed away, even though he was diagnosed with congestive
heart failure and diabetes (about a decade beforehand) it still came as a surprise.  My sister (18 yrs
my elder) was married to him longer than I was alive.  I lived in their lives to such a degree that it was
almost as if I were one of their daughters.  He (Raymond / Uncle Ray) was the first person whose
death had a direct impact on my life; each day was changed by his loss.  I just kept thinking things
like, "once I finish this project things will go back to normal" or "spring is coming, everything will be
the same come spring".  Nothing was ever the same, if anything things kept on changing.  Since I had
no practice at grieving I did not do a very good job at dealing with it, nor did my son.  About a year after Uncle Ray's death
my son and I talked about how we felt.  It was at that point that it dawned on me, we could have been grieving together
and leaning on one another, instead of trying to be strong for the other person.  That is when I first drafted the idea of this
piece and found out I was not ready and immediately put it away.

In February 2007, two years after Uncle Ray's death (2 years and 1 month to be exact) one of my brothers (Hector) passed
away.  His death was very tragic, and sudden, and unfair, and lots of other things.  I thought I had a little better handle on
how to deal with grief, what I ended up realizing is each time is very unique.  The first day I was left alone after his
accident/death was sheer torture.  I needed to do something to fill the time, so once again I took out sketch, fine-tuned it
and began the process of selecting the glass, etc; somehow, I thought that it would make me feel normal again.  
Unfortunately, normal was a luxury denied during that time and many months to follow.  Soon after starting the piece I
abandoned the task.

In January 2008 I pulled the piece off the shelf and began to work on it once again. The work came smoothly and with
calming pleasure just like old times.  Everything was, in a word...perfect.  The colors I selected, the detail I hoped for, the
end product did not sway (except 2 items) from the original sketch, which is a first for me.  I felt empowered by the
progress.  I had a goal of completing the piece before the 1 yr anniversary of Hector's death.

My goal in creating this piece was to express, and take ownership of my emotions.  I wanted to relieve some of the
pressure the grief was causing me, but most of all to get some closure on those chapters and move on.  I am no longer
afraid, or feel guilty to be happy on good days, I recognize that the bad days will be there sooner or later.  I have gone
back to living my life rather than going through motions, and have accepted that I will inevitable die as will everyone else.  
What I truly hoped to accomplish, to no avail was to eliminate the feeling of loss and/or fill the emptiness; sadly, it's still
there, it always will be.
I started this piece with the border followed by the main focal
point (being the teardrop in this piece) and work out from there.
Finished piece before
grouting
Complete, in all it's glory
"Am I Holding On To Grief, Or Is It Holding On To
Me...Hard To Say Goodbye."